Grief Has a Way of Tapping You on the Shoulder

Grief has a way of tapping you on the shoulder

When you are looking the other way.

Doing the things that people say, the busy stuff, the reflective and mindful  stuff,

the writing, the reading, seeking out the stuff that makes the days just drift away.

Then the vagaries of life move things about , rearranging all that you knew,

They take your knee, for your health and future

stability and mobility,

And then all the rest falls apart.

The one, one you always called on for peace and loving comfort,

He’s so far away, he can’t hear you it seems, that it rips away at your heart.

You  accept the surrogates, who try so hard to help you mend the pieces as best you can,

But it all feels so temporary, the quick fixes end before they even start,

And you find the strength to do what they say,

but setbacks sap your courage as you realize you are not quite able.

So, you talk to him the one who is lost, and tell him how he’s missed

 And you read his love tomes to remind you of the sensation of his kiss.

‘And you “keep on keepin’ on” as people say you should.

Because if you stop, it ends and they remind you that is never  good

But your heart isn’t in it as it once was.

The aloneness is chilling and the winter lingers though they say it is ended

The cherry blossoms have awakened an’ their branches bended,

The cold rain weighs down their petals

Leaving pink tear stained drops every which way.

I shore up my courage, to begin a new day.

And search for remnants of happiness, a baby’s laugh here, a bud unfolding there,

 Or create something from the nothingness, from snatches of thought something here and there.

And then someone else leaves, euphemisms don’t say it , she dies.

My friend of almost a lifetime gives up the fight, and leaves.

And there it is, the tap on the shoulder. Remember me the spectre calls!

I am always with you now. Time is short, gather the pink tears that fall

On your doorstep, they remind you that I am here.

Go and do the things you know will soothe and ease your sadness a bit.

Because I am not far, just over your shoulder, anywhere you sit.

You know me now. You’ve studied me for the lessons you can glean

But you do not know the fullness, the stretch , and the rich rawness of the new pain, yet unseen.

The weak salves you apply whether flights of fancy, or writings of poesy realizing all you feel,

But in the quiet morning hours, when time is yours alone

Only thinking and being in the blue blur dawn stands you in your stead,

Cause grief is not going anywhere that you  can find escape,

Unwanted partner, no you will never find your way without it,

Your new partner now  every step along the way.

For the love you knew could not go without leaving the gaping space behind.

Leaving its inverse, its shadow, its empty space, Grief behind us, and up ahead,

Now the constant lover to keep us company instead.